Tag: self-improvement

Embrace Change: The Power of Identity in Personal Growth

Posted on by David Zerella, LCSW in anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, personal-growth

A pair of black and blue basketball shoes placed on a stone surface with green grass in the background.

I shared this story with someone recently who was struggling with identity, confidence, and feeling stuck. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it applies to a lot of people—personally and professionally.

Some people will remember the early days of me doing all-out sprints in Jordans. I’m lucky my knees survived.

At the time, it made perfect sense to me.

Not because they were built for running. They weren’t. It made sense because they matched who I believed I was.

Basketball was my sport. Basketball had culture. It had confidence, energy, familiarity. It was part of my history. Running, on the other hand, was something you did for conditioning. It wasn’t something I identified with. It belonged to a different type of person.

That distinction mattered more than I understood.

Because many of us do this in life.

We step into something new while trying to preserve an old identity. We say we want growth, but we bring outdated self-perceptions into new environments. We want new results while staying emotionally attached to the version of ourselves that feels familiar.

That creates friction.

Eventually, after enough feedback, my stubborn ass bought real running shoes.

Small purchase.

Big shift.

The shoes didn’t magically change my life. They didn’t make me faster overnight. They didn’t transform me into a runner.

What they did do was signal that I was ready to take this new chapter seriously.

They helped me stop relating only to who I had been and become more open to who I was becoming.

That’s an important distinction.

Real change usually starts with action. You show up. You practice. You make better choices. You build consistency.

But sustainable change often requires something deeper: a shift in identity.

You stop saying, “I’m trying to do this.”

And start saying, “This is part of who I am now.”

That applies everywhere:

The person trying to become healthier while still seeing themselves as someone who always quits. The professional stepping into leadership while still thinking like they need permission. The person rebuilding after divorce, loss, or burnout while still defining themselves by the old chapter. The entrepreneur trying to grow while still attached to the safety of playing small.

Behavior matters.

But behavior becomes more powerful when it aligns with identity.

I had already started running before I bought those shoes. But it wasn’t until I changed how I saw myself that it started to feel meaningful.

Sometimes the next level of growth isn’t more effort.

It’s updating the story you keep telling yourself.

You don’t need to start running.

You don’t need to buy new shoes.

But if you’re stuck between who you’ve been and who you want to become, remember:

You don’t have to run in Jordans.

Commitment Over Comfort: How discipline outweighs feelings

Posted on by David Zerella, LCSW in Uncategorized

Anyone can create a goal. Anyone can imagine a vision for themselves or how they’d like their life to be. But a vision without effort is counterproductive—sometimes it even worsens that damn depression. The world doesn’t hand out rewards for what you dream. It’s what you do, especially when you don’t feel like it, that moves you closer to the life you want.

Self-discipline is committing to your goals through action. It’s the quiet, consistent work when no one is looking that builds pride and self-respect. Commitment is action-based; wants are feelings-based. And while our feelings are valid and understandable, they aren’t the deciding factor. At times, we need the reminder: don’t wait for the feeling—do it anyway.

In CBT and REBT, we often emphasize how thoughts shape behaviors. But the reverse is also true: behaviors can reshape our thinking. When we take action first, even against resistance, motivation and confidence often follow. Each step forward is not only progress toward a goal, but also proof that we can trust ourselves to follow through.

Of course, there are times when we overindulge or fall short of our vision. I do too. And with that can come a sense of shame or guilt. But rather than seeing it as failure, we can treat that discomfort as a notification—and attempt the following steps

1. Remind ourselves that our behavior is out of sync with our values. Identify the commitments that we truly value.


2. Choose one behavior that reconnects us to our commitments. This next step, choosing commitment over comfort, strengthens the muscle of self-actualization. We move closer to the life we want—not through fleeting motivation, but through persistent action.


3. Take a moment to pause and appreciate our existing and current efforts. Not just the outcome, but the act of showing up. That self-respect is a kind of pride no external pleasure can replace.

Reflection for the week:

Where are you waiting to “feel ready” before you act? Choose one small action that aligns with your commitment and do it—even if you don’t want to. Then pause to appreciate the effort itself. More motivation may follow, but the real strength is built in that moment of action.