People often assume that “feeling better” come before doing better. We tell ourselves:
- “I feel too anxious to go out.”
- “I don’t feel motivated enough to exercise.”
- “I’m too depressed (or negative) to be around others.”
Unfortunately, this approach strengthens our our negative emotions. It rarely works to wait for the emotional change to occur organically. Waiting to feel right usually means waiting indefinitely.
As much as our feelings (and thoughts) can affect our behavior; a core principle of psychology is that our behaviors can also directly affect our feelings. It’s an interactive relationship.
Behavioral activation, is a well-established psychological approach, that relies on the latter principle:
Action often precedes emotional change. We gradually increase our sense of capability as we take more action. We can rewire our perspective on the desired tasks. Instead of I can’t do this, I’m not feeling it: It’s I did this even though I wasn’t feeling it.
The Decision-Making Problem
In therapy, people frequently explain their behavior through their feelings.
- “I didn’t go to the event because I was anxious.”
- “I stayed in bed because I was too depressed.”
- “I said that because I was angry.”
The reasoning feels intuitive.
But it creates a predictable cycle.
- – Avoiding anxiety strengthens anxiety.
- – Withdrawing from others reinforces depression.
- – Reacting in anger escalates conflict.
When behavior is consistently organized around emotions, those emotions can grow stronger rather than weaker.
The Order of Operations
Part of the issue is what I often describe as a reversed order of operations.
Many people live according to this sequence:
Feel → Act → Think
An emotion appears.
Behavior follows quickly.
Reflection happens afterward and usually with disappointment or regret.
This pattern tends to produce impulsive decisions, avoidance, and reinforce a lack of motivation.
A more effective sequence looks different:
Stop → Think → Act → Feel
Pause.
Consider your values or long-term goals.
Decide what would be the preferred way of acting. Then do it regardless. Even if you don’t like it or feel sub-optimal, it’s allowing for your emotional state to adjust over time. The feeling does not need to change first. The behavior does.
Acting Despite How You Feel
Behavioral activation is not about ignoring emotions.
It’s about not allowing them to dictate behavior.
For example:
- “I went to the event despite feeling anxious.”
- “I went to the gym despite feeling unmotivated.”
- “I didn’t react despite feeling angry.”
None of these choices guarantee an immediate improvement in mood.
But they create room for change.
Avoidance almost guarantees the feelings continue and nothing improves.
Action at least allows improvement to occur.
Why Behavior Changes Emotion
Emotions are influenced heavily by behavior and environment.
When someone withdraws, avoids, or reacts impulsively, the environment tends to confirm the original feeling.
- Isolation reinforces depression.
- Avoidance reinforces anxiety.
- Conflict reinforces anger.
When behavior changes, the environment often changes as well.
New experiences create opportunities for different emotional outcomes.
Feelings Are Valid — But Not Always Useful
Acknowledging emotions is important. But it doesn’t mean feelings always win. Feeling are not always helpful for making decisions, partly because they are not always accurate.
They provide information, not necessarily direction. The feeling can be a response to a problem but it isn’t the solution.
In many situations, the most productive approach is simple:
Act according to your values, not according to your temporary emotional state. Start with identifying those values and the version of yourself you would like to be.
The positive feelings will follow.
When Behavioral Activation Helps Most
Behavioral activation is particularly helpful for:
- Depression
- Anxiety and avoidance
- Low motivation
- Perfectionism and overthinking
- High-functioning professionals stuck in rumination cycles
The common theme is the same:
behavior shrinks while negative emotions expand.
Reversing that pattern is where change begins.
An Actionable Step
The next time a difficult feeling appears, pause and ask one of these questions:
“If I were feeling better, what would I do?”
“How will I feel afterwards?”
“What would success look like?”
Then try doing the behavior that most aligns with your answer.
Not because you feel like it.
But despite how you feel.
Rational Psychotherapy 